Dealing with an uncertain feeling

A few months ago I told you about a girl who I loved killed me with her existence and her smiles. Well, the curtains were tightly closed now. No, she is not married yet but I think she found someone what she want. I know “specific type” of what the man she is looking for, I can’t be that man because that “specific type” regarding with his job and career. The specific type that she think it’s cool, patriotic, that she will be proud stand along with him. Then I hate myself for a moment in my situation, but I get started to convince myself to getting over.

Indifferent

A few days ago I updated my Instagram profile with assertive heading “Solitude is my treasure”. It’s explain a lot to people about myself, but they get me wrong sometime, that I can’t work together, that I’m hard to speak aloud, that I don’t need somebody else, they said “uhh you are boring, nah lame I don’t want to walk around you, gimme a space”. They’re completely wrong, I need to share, a companion, attention (…yeah you just want attention, you don’t want my heart…ups sorry, I don’t want to sing Charlie Puth’s song).  Everybody wants to be understood including me, I will trade my time with them who call my name within the silence.

Perempuan itu

And I know it’s long gone, and there was nothing else I could do, and I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to.. It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

– All Too Well by Taylor Swift

You know what, aku jarang membicarakan tentang seorang wanita bahkan dengan teman sekalipun. Bukan karena aku tidak tertarik dengan mereka atau aku malu mengakuinya, tapi aku memilih untuk tidak membicarakannya karena dia berbeda. I’d love to be admirer in secret, and today I tell you a story about the girl, girl who shake my heart and she always cross in my mind. She just an ordinary girl like other girls, sometime I think that she was a girl what I’m looking for, but still she is far away, not by distance but my silent.

Unconditional love

Kali ini aku membahas tentang relationship, agak berbeda dari biasanya, okelah sesekali. Menurut kalian apa definisi sebuah hubungan? bagaimana atau kenapa kalian mengikat hubungan dengan lawan jenis dalam bentuk pacaran atau pernikahan? Menurutku hubungan itu seperti sebuah kontrak dimana kedua belah pihak terikat satu sama lain dengan kendali yang bisa membuat mereka saling patuh. Kok terdengar ruwet ya? hmm jadi pada banyak kasus, sebelum menjalin sebuah hubungan pasti kalian saling kenal, paling tidak tahu lah, kemudian saling observasi, berikutnya kalian menawarkan diri, “ini loh aku, fisikku, sifatku, karakterku, dan semua hal yang aku punya (mobil, cinta, gombalan, dll) dan itu kamu, fisikmu, sifatmu, karaktermu dan semua hal yang kamu punya (make up, sayang, mini-skirt, dll)” ketika kalian tahu dari tawaran itu saling menguntungkan maka kontrak terjadi. Seperti jualan dan perjanjian ikatan kerja, selayaknya kontrak maka memiliki aturan dan syarat, nah jika ada aturan yang dilanggar maka mendapat hukuman (tamparan, sms gak dibales, putus, cerai, bunuh). Sekali lagi aku cuma beropini, bukan memberi definisi untuk kalian.