A silent dreamer

The first day of January today, people yell out about their resolution every year but not for me because I have a long game with my life. The Beginning of the year is a difficult time for me to accept 12 months have passed and memories have been archived while nothing precious moment happen. I feel older every new year more than my birthday, silly but it’s true, some regrets and sorrow. I believe in dreams, I have many dream since kid, yeah you know each of them not even close to be true, until I decide my last dream, “become a Software Architect or a System Engineer” one of them it’s great.

At my age it is still too early to say that I have been halfway through my journey, but I will make it happen one day, at least 10 years for now. Success does not belong to smart and wealthy people even though it helps that intelligence and money make you do something big. Then I began to imagine that if I had not succeeded in realizing my dreams then I would pass it on to my son, but this is selfish while my son or daughter also has their own dreams. It’s very difficult, I struggle to work with my skills while preparing my goals. Maybe my way is wrong, rather than doing two things together, I have to start choosing what path will be my goal directly.

Even if you have everything you need to realize your plan like knowledge, relationships, time, money, luck and other resources, what about your parents? do they fully support what you want? give you a chance and trust you? If so then I feel jealous of you. I will not complain about my condition and work but I have limitations to develop my skills, to challenge the world as I want, to meet the people I want to talk to. You know grumbling only for losers, but maybe I’m.

Back in college, how silly I am that I believe to start my company with a small number of employees with my friends and some outsiders. On that day I thought how easy it is to find people who share the same vision with you and everything can be smooth but that is only in my head and never applied in the real world. Once I know the reality, I begin to narrow down my targets, the little things I can do on my own. One day I wonder how people who have never planned their future can get a good chance and work in a great place to build their experience into a better person. Is that what luck is? I do not know, but I never know what it feels like in their heads, maybe I just judge because I’M TIRED of learning and trying on my own, I dreamed a good environment to grow, geez.

Nevertheless I won’t give up yet, for now, define my goals and chasing it give me a purpose to live the life, but I want to keep it low key you know. Every single day and minutes that I spend to read a book, completing a trial of programmatic problem, evaluate my works, I hope it’s worth it.

Gresik, first day of the year
Januray 2018 @anggadarkprince

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