Dealing with an uncertain feeling

A few months ago I told you about a girl who I loved killed me with her existence and her smiles. Well, the curtains were tightly closed now. No, she is not married yet but I think she found someone what she want. I know “specific type” of what the man she is looking for, I can’t be that man because that “specific type” regarding with his job and career. The specific type that she think it’s cool, patriotic, that she will be proud stand along with him. Then I hate myself for a moment in my situation, but I get started to convince myself to getting over.

People changes, so with her. I think she is getting narcissist and share unimportant things regarding his new boyfriend. I don’t made up a reason to hating someone, I just realize maybe she does not fits with me again. Every detail of her flaw shows up, the beauty of her fade away, just because what her wrote in Instagram, until she deleted it and I guess somebody told her it’s inappropriate. I look back in the past, I realize that I put myself on empty space between friendship and mercy of her. I let myself be exploited and people take advantage as much as they can.

I feel needed, i feel cared for, she want spend her time and penny for hidden intent that break me down. Expect to much kill myself in the end. Again, they said “time heals the wounds”, but broken heart isn’t that simple moreover when you feel cheated and deceived. Simple solution for my problem, think that I’m worth-full for myself. I pull myself together and be sane again with rational head. Right now I let it slip apart from my body and mind, finally I’m back to myself baby.

Gresik, tired and alone on Sunday
November 2017 @anggadarkprince


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