Sometimes “home” more like just a place to rest my head at night to me. I mean, there is no peace or happiness inside. Moreover it cold and feel dead. Broken home is not just for kid with incomplete family that caused by divorce of their parent. Sometimes normal family also live like hell, anger and disagreement around, day by day until they are broken and everything looks sorrow.
My family is like your family, everybody’s family with every detail of flaws. My dad has old-type parent character, he is so assertive, an explicit speaker. My mom like my sister, have loud character, but my brother more similar with me, just accept every single thing between them. Sometimes their anger put me down, in some situation I hate being at home. I know in another situation we need each other, but I don’t feel we like a solid team. I do love them, put me in front of them in every problem, what ever it take, I will take for them. I put my heart on the line for them, spilled my all emotions out to them, went through hell and back for them, but all of these are not enough to have happy family.
I dreamed normal simple family, strong but warm, never dragged along with people who make me envy with their dignity or wealthiest. Just put me in big table, have dinner together, my dad play around with his grandson, my mom laugh of my jokes, my sister-in law talk about parenting, my brother talk about bike or gadget-tech stuff with all have sincere smile that spilled from bottom of their heart. But I’m aware that is only my reflection of what I saw in TV series yesterday, I know that’s not even real but sometime I feel like in the movie.
Time flies so that memory I’ve forgotten or it just live in my imagination, I don’t try to comparing my life with another because I only know them from outside like people see through me from the outside as well when everything looks okay, but sometimes it’s not. Maybe the world changes us, I want to jump to 15 years ago when I can look people around with proud and bright clear smiles, no, even open my lip wide open to laugh out loud, open myself and tell a story about my days.
Nowadays I live to keep what left on me, hope still grow and bloom someday, again. I woke up early went to office, wrote some code till night, drove 20 kilometers back and knock the door, but still nobody’s home…
Gresik, tired sunday
September 2017 @anggadarkprince